Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
