you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
