you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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