I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize