11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
