He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want her autograph on my taint
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
