it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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