your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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