In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
