I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
