I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
