why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
