Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
