I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The power of my boobs compel you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
