My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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