hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
