I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
