We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
