no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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