How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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