Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
