i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
