I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
