I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
