$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
