woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
