You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize