you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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