what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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