I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
