she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
