At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
