so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Text me some of your sweat
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
