Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
