I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
