so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
