Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
