i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
