The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
