My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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