just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
