I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
