woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My dick has a subreddit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
