she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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