too bad you live with your parents still
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
