So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
