I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
