i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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