May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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