just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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