We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need water and some morals
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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