I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
