i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
