But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
