Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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