I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
