Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
