Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
