A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
