I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
