it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
