Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's like heaven, but drunker
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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