i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
