I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
