I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
