I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
