forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
