Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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