she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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