i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
