Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
