Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
