so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
