I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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