You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
