Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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