Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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